Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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