I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
