I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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