I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
