wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
