can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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