I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize