it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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