so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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