We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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