This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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