Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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