No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize