i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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