my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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