I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
