So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
