It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
