I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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