she told me i tasted like america
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
