Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dicks are not precious.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
