i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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