i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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