They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
