Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
