im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
