If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
