GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
