This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
