theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
