Do you still have your period?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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