I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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