I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
