getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The air taste purple.
Randomize
