decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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