CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We have so much sex to catch up on
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
