yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
