If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
