our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He did a backflip because drugs
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