come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
