There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
