Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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