I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i already hear my dad disowning me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Randomize
