I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
