I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
