I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
