His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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