C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
