Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize