I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
