watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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