Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
