I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
