When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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