I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Randomize
