I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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