imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
