Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
