Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
