I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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