Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
