Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize