I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
