Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Life is so much better after having sex.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Let's get the cat blown out
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
