i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
