Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
