we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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