I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize