Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
