Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
