And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
sex in a hospital.. check
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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