my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
