Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
