Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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