do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
