u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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