I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
