so that wasnt chicken after all
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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