I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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