i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
