This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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