When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
