just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
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