okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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