ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i believe in u and ur pee
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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