I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
