i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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