Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
