he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
