And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
