i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
