i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
