Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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