I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize