This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
