Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
