i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
