Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
