i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
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