I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
