My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
