hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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