I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
