just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
