dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
