May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize