I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
