the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have tasted many bathrooms
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
