After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
