I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
