i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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