How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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